


And I Will Love You Even If I Never See You Again

by ironiccowboykink



Series: And I Will Love You Even If [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Cuddling, F/M, I wrote this for me but y’all can read it too, Marriage, This was supposed to be fluff smh, Unrequited Love, YES THIS IS LEMONY SNICKET INSPIRED YES I STOLE SOME QUOTES NO I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE, playing with hair, there will be a happy version I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2020-08-14 14:08:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20193520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironiccowboykink/pseuds/ironiccowboykink
Summary: You love Ed the way the clouds love to stretch across the sky, the way your hair loves the breeze, the way the sea loves the taste of salt, the way the ink loves the pen. You love him like you love all the good things in your life. You love him like you love the way the rain batters the earth, the way lightning strikes a tree, the way an earthquake destroys a city, the way a plane loves to fall out of the sky. You love him like you love all the bad things in your life.You love him like—“I think I’m going to marry Winry,” Edward says, breaking the silence.





	1. And I Will Love You Even Through The Silence

You think that, if the heavens were to open again and time were to stop, this is where you’d want to be.

The light from the lanterns and candles makes the room glow with warmth, aided by the light of the setting sun. Gold spills across your body, casting long across Edward’s face, flush with all the world’s most pleasant emotions. Your own face was planted firmly in the shade, but you didn’t mind; Edward pressed so heavily against you made you warm all on its own.

Ed nearly purrs under you as you scratch his scalp, eyes closed in delight. His head lays heavily in your lap; it’s not an easy angle, but you make it work. You make it work because you love the breathy sighs when you scratch just right, the peaceful look on his face you’ve seen so rarely— but always here, when the two of you lay together, always like this. You want him to feel this way forever. Maybe feel the same quiet in the air, feel the same quiet that’s rattling your bones, feel the same quiet that’s making your hands shake as they card through Edward’s hair. 

This is the moment you fell in love. Here, in the quiet.

His hair travels golden and long up your chest, wheat-yellow strands curling round like rivers and streams, a shock of blonde eddying silky up your front. You’re dozing off. Edward is dozing off. You would be asleep, were it not for the infrequent whines Ed gives you whenever you slow down too much; it’s as adorable as it is annoying. “Edward,” you want to say, into the silence— nothing comes out, because you cannot break this moment, not the love that you are feeling, even if it is all your own.

Your heart squeezes when you look down at him. He is curled up against you now; he is soft and he is strong; he is melding to you in all the right places; he is everything you’ve ever wanted. The universe was proud when it made Edward Elric. How could it not be? 

You comb through his hair idly. He purrs.

“I love you more than you know,” you want to say, to break the silence, but you cannot break this moment and the love that you are feeling, even if it is all your own.

“I’ll love you even if I never see you again,” you want to say. You want to _break_ the _silence._

You decide to say it in your head, instead. You love Ed like a starfish loves a coral reef. You love Ed like the stars love the moon, the Sun loves the Earth, the way the oceans turn to sawdust and the trees fall in the forest without anyone around to hear them.

You love Ed the way the clouds love to stretch across the sky, the way your hair loves the breeze, the way the sea loves the taste of salt, the way the ink loves the pen. You love him like you love all the good things in your life. You love him like you love the way the rain batters the earth, the way lightning strikes a tree, the way an earthquake destroys a city, the way a plane loves to fall out of the sky. You love him like you love all the bad things in your life. 

You love him like— 

“I think I’m going to marry Winry,” Edward says, breaking the silence.

Your fingers stop.

Edward seems to mistake your shock for— well, _shock._ Shock of a different kind, a pleasant kind. A shock where you’re happy to be hearing what you’re hearing.

He perks up, head shifting off your lap. The magic of the moment is broken. The heavens have closed, and the clocks are ticking. “Yeah?” His voice is so delighted, so happy. You want to die. “Think it’s a good idea?”

“Of course.” It comes across so soft. “You really love her.”

“Yeah,” he repeats. It comes across _so soft._ “I— I wanted you to help me. I don’t know, you know, uh, how to do it. I can’t use alchemy and make a ring for her like I planned—“

A laugh escapes your throat despite the pain you’re feeling. “Really?” You ask incredulously; you know Ed’s sense of style. That ring would probably be the most garish thing to grace Winry’s fingers. But knowing Winry, after her initial shock, she would have worn it anyway. And with a whole lot of pride, too. You shake your head with a smile. That’s your Edward, alright. 

Well. Winry’s Edward.

“Yes!” He exclaims, flushing a beautiful shade of red. “And it would have looked fine! Shut up!”

“Of course, of course,” you reply placatingly. “and the one you’re going to _buy_ will look great too, _right?_”

A sheepish look crosses his face and he pouts. “I wasn’t going to have Al do it.”

“Ed…” you warn, and he relents. 

“Fine! Yes! I’ll buy one!” His voice lowers petulantly. “God, you’re so much like Winry sometimes.”

You’re sure the last part wasn’t meant for you to hear, but you did. A silence washes over you: you’re so much like her, and yet he doesn’t love you. If you’re so alike, what does she have that you don’t? Time?

That’s not very fair to Winry, is it? You sigh. The light from the sun has faded, and now the room is illuminated by the silver moon and the melting candles. The night is sticky and warm. It’s the perfect night to lay here like this, with someone you love. 

Ed’s voice startles you out of thinking. “You’re not happy, are you?”

“Hmm?” You resume carding through hair, pouring all you’ve been feeling today in it. It may be your last chance. “No, I’m fine. I— I’m happy for you, I really am.”

He wrenches himself so suddenly out of your arms you don’t have the time to blink the tears away. “Don’t bullshit me!” Ed snarls. “You’re my friend, I can tell when you’re not alright!”

You give him a watery smile. “That’s the problem, Ed,” Your head tilts back to keep the tears from spilling out. “we’re just friends.”  
——  
Months pass. He invites you to the wedding anyway.

Winry is _beautiful._ But you have eyes only for him, even after all this time.

She walks down the aisle. You’re happy for her, in part because she’s your best friend, and she’s spent so many early days and late nights telling you how happy she was Ed finally proposed, and how she couldn’t wait to marry him.

You’re also happy for her because loving someone means you want them to be happy. Winry makes Ed happy. That’s good enough for you.

You cheer the loudest when they kiss. That might be because you’re the maid of honor and right next to Winry anyway, but she said you were the loudest and that makes you proud.   
——  
When they dance at the reception, you still can’t help but wish that were you.  
——  
You watch Winry’s dress flutter around her. It’s white and perfect and you made it yourself, so of course it’s perfect. It’s what you would have wanted. It’s princess cut, with small golden flowers and beautiful white pearls around the breast, and wide, off the shoulder ruffled sleeves. It hugs her perfectly, and your eyes skirt down her waist to eye the rather simple train. It flows around her in layers of light blue ruffle and creamy white tulle; you designed it so that when Ed spins her, it opens up like a rose. 

It’s perfect. It’s what you want.

Ed, of course, is in a tux. He nearly came in the most boring piece you’d seen to date— and, of course, as his _friend,_ you’d sew his wedding outfit. He, just like Winry, is in white; but whereas hers is accented with pastels, Ed is accompanied by gold. The fabric is textured with swirls, just like his tie; in short, he looks undeniably attractive. The two of them look good together. Would you look good with him?  
——  
They invite couples to the floor. You have no one to dance with.  
——  
You’re right there saying goodbye when Winry and Ed drive off together. 

You try not to think about what they’re going to be doing tonight.   
——  
You go home and peel off your clothes in silence. The light of the setting sun lights up your back. It reminds you of the moment you fell in love. Here, in the quiet.

You haven’t held Ed like that since that fateful evening.

A look in the mirror reveals a sad face reflected back at you. 

It’s hard to put on a smile, standing here in the light filtering through your shuttered window. You look miserable and angelic and wholly exhausted. Your smile is flat and lopsided, your shoulders are bowed and your back bends under the weight of your heart. 

But you’ll love him still. Even if you never get to see him again.


	2. Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you love me?” You want to ask. 
> 
> But you already know the answer to that question.

_This is the moment you fell in love. Here, in the quiet._

Ed holds on to you so tight. He’s nuzzling into your chest, holding you as if you are all there is in this moment, as if the world has narrowed down to the spaces where the two of you meet. The spaces are vast. Every part of you is every part of him; the two of you meld together, bleed into one another like black and white, sides melting together like the sun melts into the Earth at night. You are together. Two parts of a whole.

This is the moment you fell in love. Here, in the quiet, with the warm light of the setting sun coloring your face. 

You have to break this moment. This silence. You have to tell him how you feel.

“Do you love me?” You want to ask, because this is not the first time you have fallen in love with him, but it is always here, when you can look at the curves of his eyelashes as they flutter with sleep, the creases of his squinted eyes, feel the way his fingers press into the folds of your body. He makes you… Feel. So many things. And all of it is destroying you, so terribly, and wonderfully, and you breathe destruction into the crook of his neck, a hum bubbling in your throat. You love him so much.

Instead of speaking, you sigh so softly you might as well not have sighed at all. Your lips twitch with the urge to kiss him, to wrap your arms around him and show that you love him with all you are and all that you will be. Ed purrs under you as you scratch his scalp, eyes closed in delight. His head lays across your stomach; it is so easy for you to reach him this way, to run your fingers through the golden spool of hair, for him to reach up and play with yours.

“Do you love me?” You want to ask. You are falling in love with him, again, always, falling in love with his hair and his sun-kissed freckles and his eyes and the wrinkles of his nose when he scrunches it, with the curve of his neck and shoulders and the scars that litter him from his work and the war and,

Everything. You love everything about him.

The sky turns red. But the light on his face stays a fiery yellow. How can you love one man so much? You have to break this moment, to let him know what you are feeling, but the words tie your tongue in knots and your throat dries but you have to say it. You have to.

He blinks sleepily awake. Golden eyes peer at you. Everything about him is golden. 

“I love you,” he says.

“Wait.” The world stops turning. Hold on. Did he really just—

“_Wait,” _you say again, because Oh my God, he really just—

“What?” He asks, lifting himself up and off your chest to stare down at you with concern. Ed’s face starts turning scarlet, and if you weren’t halfway through a heart attack you’d find it adorable. “Did I— shit. Are we— should I not have said that?”

“I— well,” you splutter, trying to ground yourself in present reality. Edward’s hair falls over the two of you like a curtain, shielding you from the world and narrowing everything down to just him and just you. “I— I was. I was working up the courage to tell you— t-tell you that I love you, and you just! Said it!”

He blinks curiously. “Should I… not have?”

“No!” You nearly shout. The sun is setting now. “Say it again. Say it a billion times. I love you. I love you too.”

He looks so happy— his smile is so wide his eyes crinkle, his eyebrows shoot up so high you’re sure they’ll be lost in his hairline. 

Should you tell him? Should you tell him this is the moment you fell in love?

When he surges forward and kisses you, caressing the side of your face with his metal hand warmed by both your body heat and the sun. It is amazing, it is delightful, it is everything you have ever loved and ever wanted.

Ed is impatient, you decide. He kisses up your neck with a fervor you have seen from him so many times.

You are afraid, you decide. You hold onto him so tight with a desperation you have seen in yourself so many times.

“I love you more than you know,” you breathe against him, and Ed smiles.

“Yeah,” he replies, and kisses you desperately. 

And the desperation turns to something else, to molten lava pooling deep in your fingertips, and you shiver, pour all of yourself into him, pour in this moment _where you fell in love _and when you press your lips to his you are sure he can feel just how much your heart hurts for him, yearns for him, desires him in every way. He smiles into your lips, holds you as you tremble, and when your laughter turns to tears he cries too, because you are two parts of a whole. You want to feel this way forever.

And when he tilts your head up to kiss you again, smiling into the kiss, you think that you will.

“Do you love me?” You want to ask. 

But you already know the answer to that question.

**Author's Note:**

> The dress is of my own design, so there is no photo for it. It’s what I wanna wear to my wedding!
> 
> https://m.dhgate.com/product/2017-brand-red-mens-floral-blazer-designs/400282176.html?f=bm%7CGMC%7Cpla%7C1670756630%7C64004387279%7C400282176%7Cpla-717940284857%7C002007001%7CUS%7Cbrucesuit%7Cm%7C2%7C#pd-002
> 
> However click here and scroll to see Ed’s outfit.


End file.
